


He Took Everything From Me. Why Can’t I Hate Him?

by orphan_account



Series: A Study of the Juniors [2]
Category: Mo Dao Zu Shi
Genre: Deep rooted hatred, Gen, Jin Ling’s mind is ignoring him, inner turmoil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:08:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24427027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Jin Ling is struggling with his opinion of Wei Wuxian.
Relationships: Jin Ling & Jiang Cheng, Jiāng Yànlí/Jīn Zǐxuān, Jīn líng & wèi wúxiàn
Series: A Study of the Juniors [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763680
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	He Took Everything From Me. Why Can’t I Hate Him?

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t really have anything to say.  
> Sorry, Jin Ling.

Young Jin Ling didn’t understand a lot of things. He didn’t understand why he had no parents, unlike the other children. He didn’t understand why his Uncle Jiang was always scowling. He didn’t know why he had dreams of a pretty woman in dressed in purple, leaning on the arm of a man in the same gold tones that Jin Ling himself wore, or why those dreams invariably turned into nightmares, where the pretty woman and the golden man were lying sprawled on the ground, gaping wounds slowly letting their blood mix together in puddles underneath them.

All he knew was that it was Wei Wuxian’s fault. All of it, the nightmares, the fear, the anger and sorrow in his uncle, it was all Wei Wuxian.

Jin Ling grew up with hatred in his heart. He hated Wei Wuxian with a burning passion, matched only by his uncle. He hated the other boys, the ones that mocked him for his orphaned state. He hated the elders who looked down on him with patronizing pity. He hated Wei Wuxian, it all circled back to Wei Wuxian.

He hated Wei Wuxian.

It became one of the core beliefs with which he defined himself. A mantra he repeated over and over into his pillow, when he lay crying in bed because Jin Chan and his friends wouldn’t leave him alone. A handhold when he was drowning.

He hated Wei Wuxian.

Then suddenly, he was back. The man who had ruined Jin Ling’s life before he was even old enough to remember it, the man who _murdered his parents_ had returned. And Jin Ling had thought of him as a friend, a rare ally in the constant war between him and the outside world. He was disgusted by himself, shamed and horrified that he had remained in Wei Wuxian’s company for so long without realizing what he was, a heartless monster.

What he hated most was the fact that he couldn’t hate Wei Wuxian anymore. He had been in the man’s company for several weeks, and he had seemed genuinely kind and even, on rare occasions, funny. And he hadn’t been quite as horrible as Jin Ling had thought he was. He seemed to actually care about things, about his sister, Jin Ling’s mother, about her husband, Jin Ling’s father. He seemed truly and terribly sad.

And it wasn’t fair.

He ached to go back to his childhood, when his thoughts were clearly outlined, with sharp edges. When he could freely hate, without any question as to whether the man really deserved his whole and unreserved fury. Of course he did.

Maybe he couldn’t hate Wei Wuxian fully anymore, but he didn’t forgive him. Would never forgive him. He could go rot in a ditch for all Jin Ling cared.

One night, when he couldn’t stand the pounding turmoil in his head anymore, he got out of bed and ran through the halls of the palace in Lotus Pier, all the way to the ancestral shrine of the Jiang Family, where he collapsed in front of Jiang Yanli’s grave, sobbing out “Mother! Mother, he took everything from me. Why can’t I hate him?”

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo. That was that. I hope you guys don’t hate me too much.


End file.
